Weird Al Yankovic - Albuquerque Lyrics | Weird Al Yankovic Lyrics
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| Lyrics >> Weird Al Yankovic - Running With Scissors - Albuquerque Lyrics | ||
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Some information about Albuquerque Lyrics Title: Weird Al Yankovic - Albuquerque lyrics Artist: Weird Al Yankovic Album: Running With Scissors Visitors: 9 visitors have visited Albuquerque Lyrics since Feb 12, 2007. Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under thestairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down thestreet from Jerry s Bait Shop... You know the place... Well anywayback then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust peachy...except of course for the undeniable fact that every single morning mymother would make me a big ol bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast.Dawww!! Big bowl of sauerkraut!Every single mornin ! It was driving me crazy.I said to my momI saidHey, mom, what s up with all the sauerkraut?And my dearsweet mothershe just looked at me like a cow looks at anoncoming train. And she leaned right down next to meand she saidIT S GOOD FOR YOU!And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in mymouth and force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was 26 and a halfyears old.That s when I swore that somedaysomeday I would get outta thatbasement and travel to a magicalfar away placewhere the sun isalways shining and the air smells like warm root beerand the towelsare oh so fluffy! Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukulelesall day longand anyone on the street will gladly shave your back fora nickel!Wacka wackadoo dooyeah!Welllet me tell youpeopleit wasn t long at all before my dreamcame true. Because the very next daya local radio station had thiscontest to see who could correctly guess the number of molecules inLeonard Nimoy s butt. I was off by threebut I still won the grandprize. That s righta first classone-way ticket...to Albuquerque!Albuquerque!Oh yeah. You knowI d never been on a real airplane beforeand I gottatell yait was really great... except that I had to sit between two largeAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor. And the little kid inback of me kept throwin up the whole time. The flight attendants ran out ofDr. Pepper and salted peanutsand the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome withPauly Shore...andoh yeahthree of the airplane engines burned outand wewent into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in agiant fireball and everybody died. Except for me. You know why? Cause I had my tray table upAnd my seat back in the full upright positionHad my tray table upAnd my seat back in the full upright positionHad my tray table upAnd my seat back in the full upright positionAh-ha-ha-ha. Ah-ha-ha. Aahhh. So I crawled from the twistedburnin wreckageI crawled on my hands and knees for three full daysdraggin along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag and my tenor saxophoneand my 12-pound bowlin ball and my luckylucky autographedglow-in-the-dark snorkel. But finally I arrived at the world famousAlbuquerque Holiday Inn where the towels are oh so fluffy! And you caneat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna. It s OKthey reclean.WellI checked into my roomand I turned down the A/Cand I turnedon the SpectraVisionand I m just about to eat that little chocolatemint on my pillow that I love so veryvery muchwhen suddenly there sa knock on the door. Wellnowwho could that be?I sayWho is it?No answer."Who is it?" There s no answer."WHO IS IT!?" They re not sayin anything.So finallyI go over and I open the doorand just as I suspectedit s some bigfat hermaphrodite with a flock of seagullshaircutandonly one nostril. OhmanI hate it when I m right.Soanywayhe bursts into my roomand he grabs my lucky snorkelandI m likeHey, you can t have that! That snorkel s been just like a snorkel to me.And he s likeTough!And I m likeGive it!And he s likeMake me!And I m like kay!So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagusand I bit off his earand he chewed off my eyebrowsa nd I took out his appendix and he gavea colonic irrigationyes indeedyou better believe it. And somehow inthe middle of it allthe phone got knocked off the hook. And twentyseconds laterI heard a familiar voice. And you know what it said?I ll tell ya what it said!It saidIf you d like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator. If you d like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator.In Albuquerque!Albuquerque!Wellto cut a long story shorthe got away with my snorkel. But Imade a solemn vow right then and there that I would not restI wouldnot sleep for an instantuntil the one-nostrilled man was brought tojustice.But firstI decided to buy some donuts. So I got in my carand Idrove over to the donut shopand I walked on up to the guy behind thecounter and he saysYeah, whaddaya want??I saidYou got any glazed donuts?He saidNah, we re outta glazed donuts.I sayWell, you got any jelly donuts?He saidNo, we re outta jelly donuts.I saidYou got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?He saidNo, we re outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.I saidYou got any cinnamon rolls?He saidNo, we re outta cinnamon rolls!I saidYou got any apple fritters?He saidNo, we re outta apple fritters!I saidYou got any bear claws?He saidWait a minute, I ll go check."Nowe re outta bear claws!"I saidWell, in that case... in that case, what do you have?He saysAll I got right now is this box of one dozen starving crazed weasels.I saidOK, I ll take that.So he hands me the boxand I open up the lidand the weasels jump outand they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin me all over.Ohmanthey were just goin nuts! They were tearin me apart! YouknowI think it was just about that time that a little ditty startedgoin through my head. I believe it went a little somethin like this:DOH! Get em off me! Get em off me! Ohhh! Noget em offget emoff! Ohoh Godoh God! Ohget em off me! Ohoh God! AhAaaaaaahhhhhhhhhOhhhhhhhhhh!I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over myfacewavin my arms all around and just runnin runnin runnin likea constipated wiener dog. And as luck would have itthat s exactlywhen I ran into the girl of my dreams. Her name was Zelda. She was acaligraphy enthusiastwith a slight overbiteand hair the color ofstrained peaches. I ll never forget the very first thing she said tome. She saidHey, you ve got weasels on your face.That s when I knew it was true love. We were inseparable after that.Awwe ate togetherwe bathed togetherwe even shared the same pieceof mint-flavored dental floss. The world was our burrito. So we gotmarriedand we bought us a house and had two beautiful childrenNathaniel and Superfly. Oh we were so veryveryvery happyoh yeah.But thenone fateful nightZelda said to meshe saidSweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?I saidWoah! Hold on now, baby! I m just not ready for that kind of a commitment!So we broke upand I never saw her againbut that s just the way things goIn Albuquerque!Albuquerque!Anywaythings really started lookin up for mebecause about a weeklaterI finally achieved my lifelong dream. That s rightI got me apart-time job at the Sizzler! I even made employee of the month after Iput out that grease fire with my face. Aw yeaheverybody was prettyjealous of me after that. I was gettin a lot of attitude.OKlike one timeI was out in the parkin lottryin to remove my excessearwax with a golf pencilwhen I see this guy Martytryin to carry a big ol sofa up the stairs all by himself. So I-I say tohimI sayHey , you want me to help you with that?AndMartyhe just rolls his eyes and goesNo, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw!So I did.And then he gets all indignant on me. He s likeHey, man, I was just being sarcastic!Wellthat s just great. How was I supposed to knowthat? I m not a mind readerfor cryin out loud. Besidesnow he s gota really cute nickname - Torso-Boy! So what s he complaining about?Saythat reminds me of another amusing anecdote. This guy comes up tome on the street and he tells me he hasn t had a bite in three days.WellI knew what he meantbut just to be funnyI took a big bite outof his jugular vein. And he s yelling and screaming and bleeding alloverand I m likeHey, come on, don tcha get it?But he just keepsrolling around on the sidewalkbleeding and screamingAaaahhhh! AaaaahhhhOhhhhh! Aaaaahhhh!You knowcompletely missing the irony ofthe whole situation. Mansome people just can t take a jokeyou know?Anywayum...um...where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought.UhwelluhOKanywayI-I know it s kind of a roundabout way ofsaying itbutI guess the whole point I m tryin to make here is...I HATE SAUERKRAUT!That s all I m really tryin to say. Andby the wayif one day you happen to wake up and find yourself in an existentialquandryfull of loathing and self-doubt and wracked with the pain andisolation of your pitiful meaningless existenceat least you can takea small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere out there in thiscrazy ol mixed-up universe of oursthere s still a little placecalled Albuquerque!Albuquerque!Albuquerque! Albuquerque!Albuquerque! Albuquerque!Albuquerque! Albuquerque!Albuquerque! Albuquerque!I said A! A!L! L!B! B!U! U!.... querque! querque!AlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAlbuquerqueAl...buquerque!burpheh heh heh heh Hottest songs from Weird Al Yankovic : Fans who visit this lyrics also like: |
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